Invalidating my feelings
Methods of the Invalidator Uncertainty One method of an invalidator is to keep you in a constant state of uncertainty. For example, there are times when you think, "Maybe he's changed.
He just bought me a new car and told me he loved me.
For example, if I were a dedicated wife and my husband started accusing me of cheating on him, I would know almost for sure that he had done it in thought, word, or deed. Cutting Communication The invalidator will ask you a question about yourself, then cuts you off before you finish answering.
You can tell an enormous amount about people by their projections. Generalizations Generalizations are simply exaggerations of small truths. She asks you a leading question like, "Do you still quarrel with your wife?
He has you trapped in a sickening feeling of uncertainty.
Projection The favorite tool of the invalidator: she simply takes her own feelings and puts the responsibility for them onto another person, as if these feelings originate with the other person.
An invalidator will pick out the qualities about yourself that are most important to you and then tear them apart. If she really thinks you are onto her, she may apologize and then not invalidate you again . Invalidators are around us every day, tormenting us with their promises, rejoicing in our weaknesses, demanding our trust, our votes, and our lives, while remaining totally indifferent to everything except their thirst for power.
The more clever invalidators don't use their powers until it's absolutely necessary.The more truth there is in a generalization, the more it can be exaggerated. " You can't answer this question without appearing wrong.A person who uses generalizations does so to be in control of another. She walks out in the middle of a conversation, creating a logjam of unspoken thoughts piled up in your mind.This is all done in such a subtle way that you are unaware of it. They must have power or perish, and it is all one to them if they misuse their power or crush others in their efforts to seize power.If you do confront an invalidator on what she is doing, she will say something like, "OH, come on now! These invalidators can be particularly nasty characters if they get into positions of power.