Dating and finding a marriage partner in thea online 4f
Let’s think about what we know about operant conditioning.Thorndike’s Law of Effect says that when a behavior is followed by pleasant consequences, it’s likely to be repeated, while a behavior followed by unpleasant consequences is not.Realize that they may want to go new places and try new things to meet people, but they’re uncomfortable doing it alone or can’t afford a regular babysitter.So offer to take a class with them or watch their kids while they go on a date.magazine has an interesting article out this month called “Why You Should Stop Googling Your Dates.” In it, author Samantha Henig argues that online information about potential dates can be problematic.., an associate professor of information at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, who explains that the treasure trove of data available via social media sites has encouraged people to treat their dating options like a shopping experience. Rather, appreciate that there are a lot of benefits to being single and that they may have trouble giving those up. Help them build their self-efficacy by encouraging them.I've certainly been guilty of the picky-shopper approach: Some nights I have two tabs on my computer open at once—Anthropologie for clothes and Ok Cupid for guys. Remind them how good they are at facing other challenges in their lives.There may well be 8 million people in New York City, but most of them won’t do, and that’s an awful big haystack to sort through. Don’t tell them to stop being picky or make more of an effort.
Singles may lose their confidence, believe there’s something wrong with them, and have more trouble recovering from setbacks.
But these things stick in my craw, because the implicit message is that the single person just needs to try harder.
That is, people who would never dream of telling a depressed person to “just try harder,” to pull herself “up by the bootstraps,” or to “just get over it” have no problems telling single people exactly that when it comes to finding a life partner.
Giving those things up—especially if someone has had bad experiences in the past—can be tough. Next.., a professor of psychology at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, whose research on online dating shows that misconceptions are rampant.
It’s not an either/or issue—you’re either dying to get married or you’re damned if you’re going to give up singlehood. "You think you know what you want, but what you really need is to sit across from each other and get a beer."Yes, good online dating leads to sitting down and getting a drink, but it’s easy to rule out potentially wonderful partners based on negligible facts.